I feel sort of guilty that I haven't been blogging very much lately. I told myself when I started blogging that I would never apologize if I went through a lull in my writing. But I'm the kind of person who feels the need to rationalize all of my shortcomings. To be honest, I'm just not feeling inspired to write. I'm going through an internal struggle and it has really affected my ability to be positive. The main reason that I blog is to promote positivity, so I feel guilty for writing about any of my negative thoughts. And while being positive all the time would be ideal, I think it's an unrealistic expectation that I have of myself. 

I've been struggling with a depression that has haunted me ever since I found out that I have a chronic illness that will NEVER GET BETTER. Obviously I'm not depressed all the time. I just struggle with the days when I realize that my crumminess isn't going away. I have never fully explained my illness to my readers because I'm a very private person when it comes to my health. I have started writing about my disease many times, but I always end up erasing what I have written. I would love to be the kind of person who can put themselves out there completely, but I'm just not capable of that kind of honesty. I would love to be the kind of person who isn't anxious and afraid ALL THE TIME, but I've hidden behind these walls for far too long to change.

I feel uncomfortable talking about my illness because of some of my childhood issues. I have convinced myself that no one cares. I sometimes imagine that people think that I'm just craving attention. It's been difficult opening up to my boyfriend about my illness. I know that he feels frustrated when I refuse to ask for help or let him take care of me. I'm just afraid of the what-if's. What if he thinks it's ridiculous that I'm constantly ill? What if he resents my illness? What if he starts to think that all I want to attention?

I really want to get out of my depression right away, but I think it's going to take some time before I feel like myself again. I just need some time and patience. 

Thinking positively and sending you lots of positive vibes!

♥!

(via tumblr)
I've been thinking a lot about jealousy lately. I've been in several relationships where jealousy ruined what positive feelings I had towards the other person. I've dealt with jealous friends and co-workers before. I've felt that unjustified jealousy bubble up inside me towards a talented friend or acquaintance. I think that jealousy is an extremely complicated emotion. And a little bit of it definitely goes a long way.

The thing about jealousy that really gets me is how sneaky it can be. Have you ever felt negativity toward someone without even realizing that you were jealous?? I definitely have. I think that it's very easy to envy someone who is successful or happy rather than supporting and praising them for their accomplishments.


I believe that jealousy is toxic in relationships. I know that a lot of people say that a little jealousy is good in any relationship, but I don't agree. I think of jealousy like a forest fire. It starts out as a little flame and soon the entire forest has burned down in a blaze. I'm not saying that you aren't going to feel jealous, but I believe that it's not fair to the other person in your relationship if you make them feel bad for your own insecurities. I think that the best way to approach your jealousy is to analyze why you are feeling jealous in the first place. There is always a good reason deep down why you are feeling jealous. It's just hard to see sometimes when you're feeling that awful pull on your stomach and the bubbling jealousy emerges.

 I also think that it's not necessary to always share your jealous thoughts with your significant other. I know that some people feel the need to talk out all of their worries and problems, but constantly hearing that your significant other is jealous starts to get old. Jealousy also brings up serious trust issues that you may not be ready to deal with. A lot of times, it's easier to analyze and deal with your trivial jealousy on your own without burdening your partner. If you constantly tell them that this or that made you jealous, they will start to feel responsible for the jealousy. On the other hand, if it's a serious jealousy issue it might be necessary to talk it over with your partner. I think it's important to do a lot of thinking and analyzing prior to discussing your problems. You don't want to jump into a discussion with a lot of irrational insecurities fueling your argument. That will just turn your discussion into an argument and could hurt your partners feelings.


All of these thoughts about jealousy have made me ask myself: why do we get jealous in the first place??

And there isn't a simple answer to that. It's complicated and it's different for every person. For me, my jealousy comes from my fear of being inadequate. I struggle with jealousy at times when I meet someone who has talents or ambitions that are similar to mine. I have become very aware that my jealousy stems from my own issues and doesn't have anything to do with the people in my life. That has helped me to deal.


One thing about jealousy that really bothers me is how it cause women to hate each other. Women are so mean to one another, and we don't always realize that we are doing it. It's been wired into our brains by society. If you meet a women who seems to have it all, there are probably a ton of women who hate her because they are jealous of what they think she has that they don't. While this way of thinking is the norm, I just can't condone it in my life. I want to support, encourage, and praise all the women in my life when they succeed. If you think about it, a lot of times when someone treats your badly or doesn't like you, it's because they are jealous of you. How stupid is that? Really? It's sad to think that a lot of relationships and friendships have been ruined because of something as stupid as jealousy.

What are your thoughts on jealousy, Love?

Do you have any advice on how to deal with it??

♥!

So don't forget it, Lovely!

Sending you lots of positive energy!

♥!