Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Little Miss Shy

(via tumblr)

I'm a shy person. Being shy often causes people to assume that I'm a snob. They never realize that I'm just a very shy girl who needs a little time to feel comfortable around them.


I really struggle with the fact that some people just aren't going to like me, despite everything I do to get them to see me as a friend. This has been something that has always bothered me. I know that a lot of times, they tell you that you shouldn't care what people think of you, and that is how I feel most of the time. But I think it's really hurtful to have someone just dislike you for no apparent reason. I'm already a very shy person, and being shy makes me sort of paranoid that people don't like me. So I try very hard to be friendly and kind. Recently, I discovered that a girl who I've known for a few years as an acquaintance doesn't like me at all. And I really have no idea why. I've always been courteous and polite to her. I've asked her how she was and given her little compliments on several occasions. I don't think there is anything else I can do, short of asking her flat out what her problem with me is.  I don't know if any of you have struggled with something like this. It just really hurts my heart. 

Most of my friends have told me that she isn't worth all this stress. I know that they are right, but it's hard. The shy girl inside me feels like all of this is her fault, and that if she was a little more outgoing, everyone would like her. 


My shyness has always been an issue. Most people tell me to get over it and stop being shy. Honestly, that just makes me feel worse. I'm not BEING shy; I AM shy. I once had a professor tell me that I needed to grow up and get over my shyness, or I was never going to be a successful person in society. That really pissed me off. Not everyone is comfortable being an extrovert.  I've recently discovered that my shyness stems from a deep fear of being embarrassed. I'm absolutely terrified of being embarrassed. Something in my past must have caused this fear to manifest into my extreme shyness. 

I think it is really incredible how complex we are as human beings. I'm an extremely complicated person. My shyness is just one layer of who I am. There is also a very silly, goofy, and outgoing person hiding underneath the shyness. 

I'm always telling myself to be brave. I know that sounds pretty lame, but it helps. Shy girls have to be brave because the world doesn't really understand how crippling shyness can be. 

Are you shy??

How do you cope??

24 Lovely and Quirky Comments:

Juliette Rose said...

Who is this person that doesn't like you? I will beat her up! I don't why anyone would make a snap judgement like that, but it does happen. Don't let it bother you. You're awesome, and you don't need anyone like that trying to make you feel bad. I'm sort of shy too. I just tell myself that I'm not really that shy, and it helps me to be more outgoing. It works for me. I would never tell someone to get over their shyness. That professor was wrong to say that to you. Don't feel bad for being shy. Hope you're feeling better, girl!

Hurricanes12 said...

maybe she doesn't like you because of other reasons. she could be jealous of something, somebody complimenting something about you could have triggered off her jealousy.

the fact is sometimes people aren't going to like you, whether you're shy or outgoing. don't beat yourself up about it, your friends are totally right- she isn't worth your time.

even the coolest people in the world (adam lambert :P) have haters- and he is far from shy! so don't be quick to focus on your bad points.

you have a lot of people who like you, i for one love reading your blog posts and think you sound like a great person.

don't fret over losers :)

Stephanie ;) said...

I, for one, is extremely shy too. People often don't like me because they think I'm a snob too, when I'm just too shy to talk to them. I used to envy my friends who were really outgoing because it seems as if they could mingle with everyone else while I'll just be the shy girl sitting in a corner that nobody really take notice of. I even hated myself and wished I could be more outspoken and step out of my own comfort zone.

However, everything changed when I attended a workshop on behavioural styles. I started to realise that we're all borned differently and we're unique the way we are. Some of us are just naturally shy and need more time to warm up to others. Don't ever feel sad or hate yourself for who you are, because God has created you to be special and perfect in His eyes! Embrace your shyness! Sometimes, you don't have to speak if you're too shy to, just smile. People will feel welcomed by you too!:)

I hope you're feeling better now. Sorry for the really long comment. *hugs*

Natasha said...

I don't suffer from shyness but I do get nervous when meeting new people but this can be broken down by asking everyday questions and soon you build up an acquaintance. Try not to let this girl get to you. Unfortuntely, not everyone is going to like you. I've realised that myself, it's not your fault though it's them. xxx

durbansweatheart said...

my goodness. i have a friend who is ttly shy, it bugs me sometimes, even though i know she cant really help it. i have been cheerleading in front of crowds of thousands since i was three so shyness has never really affected me. sry to be so blunt about it but...y'kno.

if someone doesnt like you its probably because they dont understand you, therefore are confused by your presence. its an odd thing, but, in the end, its better to be the bigger person and still be just as nice to them as you were being.

mermaidnotebook.blogspot.com

oddity said...

It was very touching to read your post because I feel just as crippled by shyness too! Lately I realized what a snob I must seem like to some people cuz I always don't smile at them when our eyes meet - I'll just look away and continue walking. This is especially true with people whom I feel would probably look down on me, cuz I fear that if I smile at them they'll look at me with contempt and think 'omg, who or why is that loser smiling at me? I don't even know her'. I think cuz I used to have a very close friend who always made fun of this girl who tried to be friendly, and she would call that girl her stalker. Now it's become almost instinctive for me to look away when I meet someone's gaze although I'm trying to at least smile politely or something, because otherwise it's like a vicious cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy - I think they'd look down on me, they think I'm a snob and react, we both end up disliking each other. Sometimes it's funny though, how difficult a simple thing like smiling can be.

Anyway, for me, trying to be comfortable in my own skin kinda helps me to not beat myself up over small things so much and makes me happier in general. I find that people are generally attracted to happy people cuz they seem to radiate warmth. Perhaps it would help people to perceive me in a more positive light based on that brief first impression =]

Janell said...

I know you don't know me but I wanted to say I completely understand and know exactly how you feel. Your words really struck a chord with me. Hope things get better.

Db said...

I've always thought it was the outgoing people who talked a lot and did a lot of things that were disliked by more people, because if you talk a lot you have a greater chance of saying something stupid, or being understood wrong, and offending the listener. Plus, people get annoyed when someone talks too much.

I always think shy people are extra special and I always try to go out of my way to ask them questions and help them feel more comfortable. Plus, quiet people (shy people) spend a lot of time thinking...and therefore have interesting and new ideas that I would never have thought of (because thinking in quiet contemplation and noticing things is a weakness of mine).

I guess just know that you are appreciated for being you. :)

kristin marie said...

I know what you mean girl.
There are so many mean ugly hearted people out there who judge people for no reason!
Trust me, I get that alllll the time. I don't understand why people don't like me if they don't even know a thing about me. And of course your gonna care what people think about you. Everyone does if they admit it or not!

You are who you are & don't let anything think you have to change! Just cause your not an annoying loud mouth who always has to be noticed, donesn't mean they have the right to judge you. Even if your shy just give out a nice smile and that should eliminate some bitter people. ♥ but just be you ♥

xoxo
kristin.

CAPow! said...

I feel the same way. I have always been very shy too, and people who are not shy don't understand that you can't just "get over it."

ashleyrwatts said...

When I read this, it was like seeing the inside of my mind from an outsider's point of view!

I completely, 100% understand what you mean. I've had people tell me they thought I hated them until they got to know me. I'm silly, nice, and outgoing...but sometimes people just don't seem to get me. And it's not even that I'm shy, I just have to gauge the other person's personality and sense of humor before I feel like I can feel comfortable.

I used to be hurt when someone didn't like me. I mean, I beat myself up a lot for it - I didn't do anything that I knew of! lol But now I've just gotten used to the fact that there are just too many people out there to make happy! Be thankful for the great people in your life that get you and love you for who you are! :D

Brina said...

I think you have to ask yourself "Do I even like this person who doesn't like me?" I've been having the opposite problem. I don't like a girl who I have known for quite a while. I'm trying not to be mean about it. She's just the complete opposite of me and I don't find anything about her desirable. I'm shy and quiet, a typical introvert, and she's loud and obnoxious and does things just to get attention. I don't drink or party. She likes that lifestyle. I'd rather be at home in my jammies working on my crocheting. We're just different.

So instead of worrying about how this person doesn't like you, accept that you're probably just two very different people. As long as she isn't doing things on purpose to hurt you, not liking you is alright. Its when she starts being mean that you have reason to be upset.

Hope this helps. <3

Littlemissymoo said...

Hey Babe....

Soo i competley get where u are comeing from....Like you i am not shy... i am quite outgoing.

These girls that i work with are bullying me and stuff like that... I know they dont like me and i really dont care but you are right it does hurt... I have no idea why they are like that... i am always friendly and trying to make conversation and asking them how they are to only have them ignore me...

Gorgeous girl... i love reading your blog... and reading ur twitter updates... Happy 1 year anniversary... and keep it coming beautiful!!!

we all love you...

Jena said...

Here's some reasons to be happy to be shy:) It's not all bad...

http://www.listener.co.nz/issue/3632/features/14619/the_power_of_shyness.html

Sweet said...

You should ask yourself why it is so impotant that she does not like you. It's only one person... there will always be only a few people that really like you bacause everybody is so complex. there are persons with many people around them, but who will be there if you get in trouble? Only that ones that love you for yourself. so just be yourself.
I am shy. A few years before I thought the whole world must accept me and like me, but thats not realistic because people are so different. I'm just beeing myself and know more and more what i like and what i want, that's why I don't care anymore about bad people and I also noticed that because of that my realationships are etting much better and I'm much happier!

sorry, if my english is bad..it's not my motherlanguage but i want to comment so bad xD

futekitwilight said...

I understand, I'm a shy person as well. I feel the same way, but some have told me that some think of me as a snob/anti-social. But the truth was I was afraid of talking to people...I stutter as well, sometimes. I just wanted to say that I understand and feel your pain about shyness.

Anonymous said...

Hi there. I know that shyness stems from low self-esteem. Don't think I'm putting you down, I am a shy person as well. :) I work in customer service and let me tell you, working with customers and initiating/keeping small talk is hard especially when shy people like ourselves need time to open up. So here's what I did. I started embracing me for me. What other people think of you is none of your business. If someone decides to have a problem with you that's their problem. Surely you have interests such as music, art, anything, really and if you can't find something to talk about with people that's OK too. Who says everyone should like you? No one's perfect. Focus on the people you love and surround yourself with them. This in return will make you feel great.

Robyn said...

I am also a REEAAllllyyy shy person, but I think my confidence is building a little :) WHy not try and dance in public.... i really dont like partys because i am shy but if you dance a little all your worries go away :) And I dont see why anyone wouldnt like you!

www.marvythee.blogspot.com

Swats said...

I can relate to all your SHY posts..Shy ppl are often assumed to be snobby, anti-social, standoffish, dumb, weird and mentally ill..I hate it when ppl jump to conclusions..I hate labels..I am writing a book on INTROVERSION..to dispel myths abt introverts...You don't need to be a motormouth to survive in a world dominated by extroverts..Shy ppl r also hugely successful in life...

To quote Hunter Nuutall- When I see a post about “how to be more extroverted,” I think it makes about as much sense as “how to be more left-handed” or “how to be more Chinese.” Introversion is a natural condition, not something that’s determined by our behavior. If you want to talk about how to improve your social skills, and suggest that people should introduce themselves to strangers or attend group functions, fine, but don’t think that’s going to make you an extrovert.

If hosting The Tonight Show for 30 years didn’t make Johnny Carson an extrovert, I doubt some basic socialization will do it for you.”

Ashley said...

I can relate too, sister. I've gone through all: being called a snob or "stuck up" by people I thought were my friends (actually they're just acquaintances, but who cares now). Just know that you ARE brave, you are friendly and have a lot to offer the world; I've come to a realization about myself in the same way. And if anyone's automatically written you off as a snob, thank them! Because they've showed their true colors and that's the not the kind of person you want to be around in the first place.

I grew up with loud and extroverted relatives...and then there's me! So it was quite hard for me in public and in the home to be my shy self. There will be lots of people who don't understand. Your real friends will go to any means to get to know all about you in addition to the shyness, no matter what.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand. I was even voted as the most bashful of the Senior Class(;

One of the things that's probably helped me the most is keeping my journal...

Anonymous said...

You sound like me.

When I'm with a ton of people I'll try to come of my shell, but I usually fumble over all my words, then I run into the bathroom and have a panic attack. Being shy is not something that you can just fix, I wish people would realize that.

David Hart said...

Shyness is actually natural and most of us are shy at first but the difference is some people learn confidence. Confidence is a skill. While some are lucky to be born in to families where parents teach or role model confidence but most of us are not. We have to go out and learn it for ourselves. This might help. http://www.g4guitarmethod.com/Guitar/Shop/Entries/2012/5/19_Are_you_shy.html

Anonymous said...

;( i totally understand what your're going through, i have always been shy and sometimes i'm even afraid to talk to my own dad ;(

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